May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
