I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
