so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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