I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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