So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
