Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
