the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
