he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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