So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
