was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
