Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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