last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize