woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just had sex on a roof
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
