We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
