none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
