clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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