There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
