She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
