He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
