I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
