I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
