Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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