Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize