yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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