Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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