She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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