Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
