Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
