You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
