I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
