you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
home. puking in laundry basket.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
