Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
