During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
