We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
