So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize