I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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