Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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