I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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