I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize