The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
