I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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