you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
