I must be too annoying 4 u.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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