My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
