I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
