Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize