my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
