So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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