I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
