Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
