Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
