I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize