Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Umm I'm too high to move.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
