I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
