sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
