Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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