His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
