Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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