I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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