Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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