Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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