next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize